Picasso's Abstract

I have to admit falling in and out of love was not part of my agenda anymore. Chasing after handsome boys that played even the smartest of girls and the boys that were a little too committed to the relationship. I was done, it was like growing out of a bad habit, it was a pain to deal with an it was so easy to fall back into. But I was done, looking for this abstract idea of love was taking up too much time in my already clustered life. Love, can't be searched for, and I learned that the hard way. Searching for a needle in a haystack sounds too cliche, searching for a star across an already dying galaxy---doesn't sound much better. Point of the matter is that men have already wasted years and centuries searching for a piece of romance that isn't a tangible thing. Men have slaved away lifetimes believing that love was like catching a rare form of a butterfly, but their nets had flaws and holes that could not catch the butterfly. Searching brings about disappointment especially when one sets their expectations way too high. I was being stupid and over-thinking, but I wasn't about to waste a perfectly healthy lifetime looking. Life isn't meant to be searched for but lived and breathed upon. Now I am just rambling, perhaps not making any more sense- head filled with country songs and a conscience haunted by a past full of ghosts. Love, I have been hurt by this so called miracle of the human race.

Until it all happened by accident, like a child walking in upon christmas presents, or a couple slipping under some hidden ice and speeding out of control to a destination they hope doesn't end in death. Accident, he was a friend, someone I only knew by name. I knew nothing about him, I thought nothing of him, thinking that this night would again be left with a given number and no phone call in the morning. But boy was I dead wrong. Maybe that's what people mean when they say love is unpredictable along with God- he works in mysterious ways to bring joy to our lives. I fell, but it felt right for a change and still feels right---with every day that I live, breathe, and walk with him.

Maybe love is not so abstract after all.